Living Without Regret

In 2013 my grandma Mary spent the 4th of July in Walker, fishing on Leech Lake. From June 29th to July 6th our family gathered to fish, cook and explore. Grandma & grandpa, grandma's sister & husband, grandma's sister's kids and grandkids, my dad, my little brother... it must have been really nice.

That same weekend, I was an hour or so south at Breezy Point, with an ex-boyfriend who I now realize had been detrimental to my life in many ways. I'm not blaming him for the reason I did not make it North, though. Although it may have been under his influence... I would not be surprised. It wouldn't help my healing to place blame for this.

From that time to August 10th, I had not seen my grandma.

She passed away that day, suddenly of a heart attack which would later be attributed to coronary artery disease.

This is the first thing I had felt such immense regret for in my entire life. And nothing has come close to this feeling since.

Living without regret is important; it means that we release pain and anger, disappointment and negativity. We release those things to create room for love and forgiveness. Living without regret is a mantra that has stuck with me since a young age, because I knew that it allowed me to take responsibility for every action and decision I've made. It allows me to trust that my path has been laid out before me in the precise way it is meant to.

Even in knowing this and believing it today, however, this regret has not left that place in my heart since the day I got the phone call with news of her passing.

Continuing to feel that as pure regret would not be healthy for me or anyone else in my life; it would not allow for growth. So with that, as I was going through college at the University of St Thomas, I felt a lightening bolt of intuition and my calling began to speak to me.

Rewind slightly...

The day grandma passed, and the few days following, including at her funeral - I feel as though I cried a very small amount. Part of it may have been shock, but it is my belief that her spirit had stayed with me. I felt her there with me, and I felt her love all around me. What I felt was a sense of pride in knowing that I was going to live on with her spirit, and I felt comfort in knowing it was going to guide me through every challenge, project, idea and success coming my way.

What began unfolding in my heart was this idea to create a brand that would essentially create a sense of connection among people who love to fish, who learned to fish with their family, and who valued the outdoors as much as we did.

The ideas flowed day in and day out. I started a notebook to collect the terms, missions, doodles and ideas. I'd tune out a boring lecture and instead draw out the vision that was flowing from this place in my heart that was going to honor my grandma and the valuable things I learned from her.

Northcast. That is what I've named it. Creating unique lures and innovative fishing gear or lures was one idea I had; making jewelry inspired by the outdoors and selling it in boutiques were a percentage of proceeds would be donated to some sort of fishing or outdoor preservation organization was another. I've had ideas to create fully-encompassing guided fishing or camping trips and facilitate clients with accommodations, activities and meals. Another thing I also really want to do is host a club or camp for kids that teaches them about fishing, about the outdoors, about sustainability, and about values.

Each idea I've put onto paper, and even those I haven't, are little ways that I have been able to heal some of the regret I was carrying. Because I know in my heart that she is proud, and that only our bodies disappear when we pass; our souls are eternal.

What I want you to take away from this is, try to release your feelings of regret. Forgive yourself and let your heart guide you into a beautiful place with it. Let it be a learning experience; one that propels you to do amazing things for others.

Thank you for reading this - you are worthy, and you are enough, just by being you.

- Jazmine Keith